From October 2007: Ground Zero, If Those Who Died That Day Returned... iPods, Cameras, Cell Phones, Blackberries, Hate and Fear

I know that the story about the Park 51 Community Center and so forth has died down. That said, I decided to republish something from my old blog. 

This post was originally published three years ago, in October 2007. That was on a blog is no more. Bear in mind, that was a different time in my life and I was a bit angrier than I am now. However, I came across it and it struck me that I wanted to put it out there, better late than never, in light of all the sanctity of Ground Zero talk. 

In any event, October 2007 was my second visit to Ground Zero after 9/11, the first visit was in December of 2001. This was my reflection written nearly 3 years ago. 
_____________________________________________________________

In my workplace we have a "mobility program" which loosely translates into, you don't have an office or cube anymore, you work from home a lot. Given my life in two cities, my job in transition and more, this program works for me. It was a little sad to give up my office recently, but not that sad really.

In any event, I have gone "mobile". Which I suppose is better than going "postal"!

So while I worked from home during the day, I did head into Manhattan for dinner. My plan was to get to Grand Central Station at about 4:15 and walk down to just south of Union Square, where I would meet my friend.

As I waited for the train I had a little epiphany moment and decided to go to Ground Zero. If you read any of my 9/11 series of posts, you will know that I only went to Ground Zero once, in December of 2001. 

Anyway, I knew that this could not be ignored so when I got off the train at Grand Central, I whisked myself off to the subway.

It was weird to think about going and I wondered how I would feel. So imagine my shock and surprise when I got there and felt... (insert song from "A Chorus Line" song here...) nothing, I felt nothing.

Well, maybe that is not completely accurate. I felt ambivalent. Also I felt some anger at the fact that despite the proclamations of Rudy Giuliani, President Bush and myriad of other voices that "America would win!" (win what?) we still have not built anything there.

God knows the hole in the ground was filled with construction vehicles, construction workers and noise. There were security people posted all over the place. But what is going on there? Seriously?


I felt very sad about the dead and imagined them, prayed for them. My heart felt heavy over this place. It thought of how before, I had such a great sense of the deaths here and now, a void. At which point, this thought came upon me - what if the 9/11 dead could suddenly come back to life! What would they see here? What would they think or feel?

They would see what I saw- tourists by the busload. A group of what I believe were French-Canadian teenagers on a field trip who were busy goofing around and kicking a soccer ball around the platform where you can stand. The several teachers who seemed to be their chaperones... looking bored and chain smoking. A homeless guy was playing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" on a recorder and begging for change. (now there is a metaphor for you!) And cameras... so many cameras! Lots of photo snapping -snap, snap, snap. People pouring into the PATH station, which lies underneath, as if unaware of the macabre location. Such is the life of a commuter.

The dead would see cellphones - so many more than were around when they died. They would see Blackberries in everyone's hands as they walked and read. They would notice the ubiquitous white ear buds of a million iPods and other players, as we tune out the world around us.

They would notice that Manhattan was awash in 3 particular types of retail establishments... There are more Duane Reade Drugstores than ever, Starbucks on every corner and banks on every street. How many damn bank branches do we need? (2010 note: Banks, oh the banks, if we knew then what we would start to learn less than a year later...) Oh - and the nail salons everywhere.

We have become a city of Starbucks drinking, manicured, Duane Reade shopping bank people. Is this what the dead would see?

Sarcasm aside, what the dead might sense as they looked around, would be a mix of anger, ambivalence, hate, fear. That struck me as so sad. They died so that we could all be self-righteous and fearful? How pathetic is that?

The whole thing upset me so much, although in a very different way from being upset in 2001. 

Anyway, feelings flying, I did exactly what I did last time I was there in December of 2001. I fled, although with very different emotions, to Trinity Church, the oldest Episcopal church in Manhattan, a few blocks south of Ground Zero.

The last time I was down there - and filled with emotion from what was still so raw, I ran there in tears and feeling so much pain. This time I felt an emptiness that I did not know what to do with. So it was off to Trinity, to see if I could make some sense of this.

Ah Trinity, a beautiful place. It is very soothing to me. You've got to love that old "high church" feel... velvet seat cushions and kneeling pads. I spent some time there trying to reconcile the horror of that day and the lack of change at the spot and the whole spectrum of thought and feeling that have defined the subsequent years. It felt very hard to get clarity on any of it, so I just surrendered to my prayers and the silence.


In the end I said my prayers, left, walked up Broadway to get to 11th Street. It would take me awhile, but the walk would do me good.

As I proceeded by the WTC site, one block away on my left, I was struck with a familiar feeling from December 2001... Where there were once buildings and no light there was nothing but sky, blue blue blue sky.

There was nothing.